So I went to the doctor Friday, the whole reason for even coming to Seattle. I have been dreading this appointment, afraid the doctor would tell me they need to run more tests before they can figure out what to do. Things have been steadily getting worse over the last year and a half. The only thing that has kept me remotely sane the last few months is running, I hurt sitting on the sofa or lying in bed might as well run. I celebrated pulling my hamstring because it was something I did by running, not just my body quitting on me. After fatigue no amount of rest can kick, migraines, and pains akin to really bad flu, self-inflicted wounds are a welcome badge of honor.
The appointment did not start well. I got there late and didn’t check in at the right spot. If I wasn’t a basket case before, after all that running around the hospital I certainly was. Lots of questions and going over my history, a little bit of poking and prodding. “’Does this hurt?’ umm it sure doesn’t feel good.” Then comes the end of the consult where the doctor tells me he needs to see the results from my kidney biopsy a few years back. And he needs to get new blood work, because the tests he needs to see I haven’t had run since 2009. All the while my heart is sinking deeper in my chest. I just flew 3,000 miles to go home with jack of a solution.
He looked me in the eye and said, “I can fix you”. It was the most wonderful thing he could say. He need to do more testing just to know if there are things to keep an eye on for the future. But for what I am dealing with now, whether it is just Sjogren’s or if I have Lupus too. The treatment is the same. I am not being sent home empty handed. I am being sent home with a solution, and the medication is not too bad. Side effects are pretty minimal and within a month I should be feeling better.
“I can fix you” that is the most beautiful thing a doctor can say. I cannot express the weight that was lifted off me when he said that. I do not have to keep fighting with my body, we can become a team, heart mind and body.
Does this mean I tri? When the race calendar for Juneau came out for this year I noticed there was a sprint triathlon on it. Not knowing what that was I looked it up and thought gee that might be doable, and I want to do it. I posted it on Facebook looking to see if anyone was interested. Dead silence, nothing. Then one night I was talking to my daughter and she told me she was training to do it with me. I am thinking holy buckets, I haven’t started. I don’t even know if I can do this, everyday it feels like another part of my body is shutting down.
I decided if I could get help from the doctor I would do it, a way to take my body back from disease. Because let’s face is call it whatever you like, disorder disease or syndrome. At the end of the day these autoimmune things are vampires sucking the life out of you. Nephritic Syndrome and Sjogren’s Syndrome just happen to be the vampires feeding off me. Well I got the good news, the doctor is getting me some garlic and holy water, may not have a stake. But I am taking my life back, I am going to be the wife, mom and woman my family deserves. I am doing a Tri in August. Swimming, Biking and Running. The run I go nailed. The other two I know how to do, I just need to get strong enough to do it. And I will. Because I have a doctor that can fix me.