38:40

Another bib for my collection

So the other day I rambled on about how slow I am. Today can we talk about how FAST I am? I so rock! Can you do the happy dance and type? Just how embarrassed are my children going to be when all I can say to everyone for the next 48 hours is. “I PR’d this weekend” “I killed my run” “I shaved 2 minutes off my time”



If you couldn’t tell I killed my 5k today, shaving 2 minutes off my personal record. Which means I finally ran UNDER 40 minutes. Now I do realize by Olympic standards I am still slow. But by my standard, I am AWESOME!!

I know that I will be riding a high on this for the rest of the weekend. Maybe I won’t tell everyone I see. But I will post it and blog about it. And if anyone asks what I did this weekend, I say fair game.



Recovery yum!

I did something I have never done before. I exceeded my limits. I say that is worth bragging about. I know my bib must come off. But is it bad form to stay in my tights and skirt? What is the etiquette for running gear in public when the race is over?



Topless Inspiration

I remember going on vacation out of the country I went to the beach with my book. Everywhere was your typical beach activity. I saw this woman a little less in shape than me soaking up the sun, chatting with friends, enjoying the day.  I envied her. I was surprised to find of all the beach bunnies jealous of her. I didn't think she was too fat to be topless, which is exactly what I think of myself. I thought damn, I wish I were that comfortable in my own skin. She was slightly manish, but she was beautiful in her confidence and comfort.

I took my top off that day. I don't know that the sun has ever felt that amazing. It was also the day that planted a seed to start running. We never spoke, I doubt she even noticed me. But she started a change in me I will always be grateful for. I didn't start running right after that. But whenever I felt less, I would think back to her. To the courage she gave me. To the way it felt to lay out in the sun on a public beach.

Since I have started running I have been getting feedback from people. I get odd looks and some sneers from people as they pass me, generally sitting in a vehicle. But in general the feedback is positive, there is even a little awe and admiration. At first that made me very uncomfortable, always waiting for that back hand or the punch line. Then it dawned on me, I am doing something pretty damn amazing. Now I am that woman on the beach.

It is so easy to make excuses not to do things when you are not ideal. Like not sunbathing topless because you are not a supermodel. Or not running because you are not a born athlete. But when an average Joe or Jane is out there doing what we are too scared to try.... that is awesome, that is inspiring.

I hear excuses from loved ones all the time about why they can't or won't ever run. Sometimes I want to call them out on it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is how it feels, and it feels amazing once you get past the initial shock of doing it. Once you stop thinking about all the reasons you shouldn't do it, and embrace the sun.

I can't run because...

               My knees - Actually studies have shown running slows the progression of arthritis. Maybe bare foot running is out, although I haven't given up the fantasy yet.

               No time - You forgot we are friends on facebook. I know you spend hours catching up on tv shows you never heard of til you saw it on someone else post about it.

               Too out of shape - how do you propose to fix that on the sofa? The C25K program is available in app form now, you wouldn't even have to put down the iphone.

 I would never run because...

               Not athletic - How long have we known each other? I trip over lint. When athletically challenged finally makes the dictionary, my picture will be right there.

               No clowns chasing me - I can borrow Ivan's big shoes, my nose turns red in the cold, I would love to wear a flower that squirts lemonade. I will chase you, all you had to do was ask.

               Too hard - So is blood sugar monitoring and insulin shots. Heart attacks are tough too. Ectomies and chemo can be a real bitch I hear.

Flannagan's Run

Starting Line!

It was a cold morning, the temp at my house was a balmy 15⁰, but at least it wasn’t snowing. I ate pizza last night so my carbs were loaded. Ok, I know for a 5 mile run carbo loading isn’t needed. But hey, any justification for pizza.

I tried to loosen up and get ready. But mornings for me, they really aren’t my friend. I didn’t take my torsemide, last thing I needed was to need to pee mid-way through. My house is next door to the glacier so it tends to be one of the colder places to be. Luckily the race was in Douglas, one of the warmer, so it was 31⁰. Even better fortune, there was no wind!

The last time I ran this race 4 years ago it was a third up hill and a third down. With the fresh snow fall yesterday, I was really nervous. They changed the course this year, whether because of the fresh snowfall or something else I don’t know. I can say at first I was happy.

I walked several laps around the block to warm up. I can’t say it worked terrible well. But I wasn’t frozen either. So it worked some.



Got my toe up to the back of the pack and started off. I ran down the street and back toward the beach, still no wind thankfully. Back into the woods, down the trail and up the hill. Three loops through the woods up the hill. Then back to the finish line. I ran, it wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t fast. But I ran. I started dead last, it was a choice. I passed a girl on the hill and stayed ahead, so I wasn’t dead last anymore.

Funny thing happened as I closed on the finish line. That girl I passed was walking with her buddy ahead of me. She must have skipped the third time up the hill. They would sprint up ahead every time I closed in. Her friend was so very high school about it too, snarky looks and whispering best left behind in middle school. They did beat me by a few seconds. I wouldn’t have cared but the attitude annoyed me, so did the cheating.

I realize this isn’t a big “race” and she was only cheating herself. Blah, blah, blah. In all honesty they were half my age they should have beat me. I was pretty sure I was going to come in last before I got there. After all it is a snowy winter day, not a race most newbies would show up for. But to be beaten like that? Childish and cheating? Ugh!

But I finished, I did it. I ran! There are those who asked why the 5 mile run when there was a 1 mile option? Because cancer is an endurance race not a sprint. My sister doesn’t get to say, I only feel like fighting a miles worth. She and others like her are in for the long haul, they don’t get to turn back and walk home. DNF is acceptable. So even if I walk, collapse or crawl. I cannot quit. I will not quit.

Added a name to my racing jersey today

This last Sunday I got an email from the IT Manager of my work informing us that he is taking a 90 day leave of absence to deal with his Pancreatic Cancer. Now I really don't know what the pancreas is or what it even does for certain. But I get the gist of Cancer. It Sucks!

I think of all the dreams I had growing up. I think about all those things I still want to accomplish. My dreams for my children, their dreams and goals. What my grandbabies want to be when they grow up. Guess what? Odds are greater we will get cancer than accomplish those things.

I call BS, I say F* Cancer!

I added Dave's name to my racing jersey today. I am my sister's runner, but that doesn't mean I don't run for my brothers too.  On the right side of my blog is a big orange button that says "donate now". Don't push it yet. That button will take you to a fundraising page for My Sister's Runner team. No money goes to me or through me, it is all directly sent to Stand Up 2 Cancer. For a donation of $25 I will put the name of whomever you would like to honor on my racing jersey for the whole year. I am attaching ribbons with the names to the back, so I can wash without dorking up the names. I am also hoping to grab attention for cancer research by looking like a superhero with all these mini capes flapping in the wind.

Still don't push yet. There is another option. You can join the team. Run where you are. Run races to raise awareness for cancer research. Design a page and get others to donate if you would like. Or donate per training mile and racing mile. Do what your heart and pocket book allow.

Ok, push it now! Still thinking? I have 2 sons, 4 daughters, 3 sisters, a mother, father and husband. 2 of the men and 3 of the women in my life will get cancer. My sister and mother already have.

1:2 men

1:3 women

 

Running with chronic ___________

So I have started this post a couple times. But I always shut it down before I get too far in. I keep feeling like either a jerk or a martyr. But I really want to put out there what it is like to get off your bum when you are not a born athlete and you have a strike or two against you in the body department.

I don't think I am a great authority on the subject. I certainly have not crossed a finish line with stage 4 cancer, or run a marathon on my hands. I am not that incredible or inspiring, I am truly humbled by those who are.

I love this man, don't know who he is. But he is awesome!

But what I am is a work in progress. Incredibly human with a body flawed by disease, diet, and lifestyle. I am bound and determined to change all that, but I am finding that it can be more of a struggle than I had planned. I also think there are more mortals out there like me, struggling to break bad habits and embrace our own inner greatness.

I really feel like I have no excuse not to try. Yes, I live with chronic pain and fatigue. Yes, I have less than perfect kidney function and take 3 pills a day to keep my blood pressure in a normal range. BUT I don't have cancer, I am not on dialysis, I am not bed ridden, I am not dying today. And guess what, the best way to avoid all those things is to get off my butt and change my lifestyle and diet. (I repeat this paragraph to myself regularly. I tend to need regular kicks in the bum.)

I love to run. I love the way it feels after the second mile in, when everything shuts off. I struggle with starting the first mile. I have a tendency to let my aches and pains get in the way. The cold weather is really hard, I am so stiff and sore. Treadmill? Forget it, I get so bored that it becomes physically painful, weird I know.

I keep thinking I can catch up on the weekends. Problem is Saturday is grocery day. By the time I am done with that I am exhausted. 3-4 hours of combat shopping wears a girl out. Sunday forget it. It is all I can do to get dressed and make dinner before everyone comes over.

But I learned something this week. As I went on my impromptu trail run. Training Plans/Schedules like treadmills suck. At least for me. Instead of doing less than the scheduled run I skip if I can't do it all in the time I have available. Sometimes my time availability is dictated by the clock, by my family needs but most often by what my body can handle. So I am tossing out the training plan. I am replacing it with my plan, for the next few weeks I will run 30 min a day 3 days a week, and 60 minutes on weekend. Weekend runs will be tossed aside for races however.

One size doesn't fit all. Maybe this post didn't end up so much about my aches and pains. Never fear, I am sure that those posts will be just as plentiful here.

Meanwhile I will continue to rack up miles because... I don't have cancer. But someone I love does.

Middle aged running partner

When you get to be my age runners fit into generally one of two groups

#1 Lifetime Athletes - This group has run 5 days a week since high school. They rack up mileage like my kids stream data. They have a 10k pr that looks more like my 5k.

#2 Runfors - This group is more common. They run for the bathroom, for the buffet, for the sales table. This is also that group that I am a former member of, think I still have my membership card.  

So what is a relative newbie like myself to do? I had a running partner for a bit, but our schedules stopped meshing.

I found a new running partner, Dega, my dog. He doesn't expect me to hold an intelligent conversation. There are no awkward silences while I try and catch my breath.  That leash around my waist keeps him from out distancing me, or putting me into cardiac arrest trying to keep up. At the end of a tiring long run I can always count on him to pull me home.

He does want to stop a lot when we head out, but the leash works there too. I keep it short and keep moving. He is learning potty breaks are when he is off leash at home. I think I might keep the leash even if I find a human running partner... hmm

Calendars, races & goals

I love filling up my monthly calendar with races. I feel so accomplished and athletic. Who would have thought?

Last month there was only one local race and I was slated to be out of town, so I signed up for 3 virtual races. Not just one, but 3 and I ran them all. Picked up some new bling and bibs.  While I may not have racked up huge mileage, I did rack up some major self esteem points.

Funny thing happened while I was filling my March calendar. I discovered that the cut and color I have been waiting 3 months for, it is the same day as a race. So like any busy self aware woman, I had to make a choice. Sadly, my hair got waitlisted and my roots will have to make do with L'Oreal for another 3 months. But a girl's gotta run. Who wouldn't rather run 5 miles uphill?

There may not be any bling races this month. But I will be running my first race over a 5k for the year. I will also be running my first non-virtual (dare I say real life) race. I did run the Les Williams Memorial 5k in January, awesome, with others. But it had a virtual component, what with all those amazing people across the globe running and walking with us. I hope they have a old parent section for the 10k. It is a fundraiser for the track team and I am worried about getting trampled.

I am terribly ambitious, so I have set 3 goals for myself.

#1 Finish

#2 Don't finish last

#3 PR

 

March Line Up

3/16 Flannigan Run 5 miles

3/23 Anywhere5k

3/31 TMHS Glacier 10k

 

February Donation and Highlight

End of another month. Time to make that donation to Stand Up2 Cancer.

I ran 31.07 miles this month for cancer. I donate $.50 for each training mile and $1 for each race mile. Thanks to running 3 5k races this month I have 9.3 miles of race miles bringing the total due to $20.18, gotta round it up. February donation is $21.00

May not look like a lot yet, but I figure by the end of the year I will have donated more than if I just wrote a check today. I will also have reduced my personal risk of cancer in the process, regular exercise and proper diet are awesome cancer preventers. I love the power of fighting back, even in a small way.

I scheduled to run Kyle's Krusade virtual 5k while I was in Washington at my sister's place. I wanted to run for her while I was with her. I really wanted her to know I am committed to this, to her, and not just lip service. Before we left I printed off my racing bib and packed it with some safety pins. The day we were leaving Billy's amazing cousin Mona gifted me with a pink scarf for wear when I race. She made it just for me and my cancer races, so beautiful.

The day of the race came I felt a little self conscious, or maybe a lot. I was in an area I don't know, with more hills than home and more traffic too. I waffled on putting on the bib and the scarf, I mean it is a virtual race no one else is running with me. My sister will think I am incredibly weird wearing tights, bright pink scarf and a piece of paper pinned to my chest. Better yet I am going to be wearing this funny outfit running through her neighborhood!



I am My Sister's Runner, 100% committed to this!

I put on my funny clothes bright ruffle scarf and racing bib. I walked to the end of the driveway. Set my Garmin... And I raced.



My Bib & Scarf. Beautiful!

What I learned that day is what other people think doesn't matter. Giving all to my commitment does, and whether I race alone or in a pack I race for my sister. Next time you see someone running down the road with a piece of paper pinned to their chest they are racing, take a moment to cheer them on. We racers like the encouragement.

 

 

 

Semi Nude

No GPS yesterday, cloudy skies, wind and just being in Alaska. Living in paradise has its price. So I ran and guessed distance. I did get my time.

I was pretty tight and stiff, what usually happens when I run in the morning instead of evening. I pulled my glute a while back and it really gave me fits while I ran. So I came home feeling slow and a bit dejected. Definitely a sluggish run.

NOT

I plugged in my route and found out I went farther than I thought and ran faster too. Maybe all my long runs should be run naked. I am ten steps closer to breaking 13.

New Bling, Happy Runner

I am such a girl, and I love it. I love clothes, shoes, jewelry and shopping. Been a great week for all.

Running has become such a part of who I am, that even my need for a retail therapy pick me up centers around it. This last week was long and draining. Doctor and family visits, no one gets away from that whole. So I needed a little retail boost.

I found a Brooks Outlet store in Seattle, my first time in a running store. I was able to pick up a bra and skirt for a price that didn’t put too much of a dent in my pocket book. Love clearance racks. Today I got my Chilly Cheeks finisher medal in the mail. I love my new bling, super cool. I wonder if it goes with a skirt and go go boots?

I think I might need a medal hangar soon. That will need to wait for another therapy day. Life is good as a Sister Runner.

 

 

Travel won't stop the race schedule

I ran my 5k this weekend for Kyle's Krusade. I was not going to let travel, doctor or family visits keep me from my race schedule. I made a commitment to run at least one race a month for Stand up 2 Cancer. I will do this.

I ran in Port Orchard, not at all familiar with the area, but I headed out with my Garmin and made it happen. More hills than I have run on, but I conserves my energy and paced myself. I finished extremely strong, which tells me that I am stronger than I thought.

More training tomorrow, I have stayed right on track. I will make my mileage this week. That rocks!

Being enough

Yes, yes, yes!! I had to share this, it is so part of what drives me. It is funny how we let momentary discomfort stop us from being a lifetime better. Not just in running or not running. Healthy Eating or fast food. But in how we give or don’t give of ourselves.

I am not much of a joiner, I have never shaken that just don’t fit in feeling. I have never felt like I had enough to offer. Not that I didn’t have something, just was never sure it was enough. There are always those who are happy to help me feel that way too.

What I am starting to realize is it doesn’t have to be enough for someone else. It just has to be enough for me. Funny thing is the more uncomfortable or awkward I feel doing something. The better I feel about myself when I am done.

I may not be the fastest runner, or even able to go incredible distances today. I may not be the best fundraiser either. But I am getting better at both every day. I am inspired to run farther so I can give more. I would regret doing less.

I am Wonder Woman

When I was in school there was this girl, I don't know her name we weren't in the same grade. But I remember her even today. Every day she would find an empty spot on the playground, stretch out her arms, and spin. While she spun you could hear a quiet "Wonder Woman ba-da-bup-bup-ba-da-ba". As kids we didn't appreciate her. Didn't see the magic in what she did. In those moments she was a superhero and the rest of us didn't exist, we didn't matter. She was whole and embraced who she was and in those moments she was Wonder Woman.

After years of wanting to feel that way, embrace myself and be enough. Be my own super hero. I have found it, that moment of inner peace and acceptance. I feel that when I run. I feel so good in my skin, good about who I am. I feel like Wonder Woman, on my cool down I strut like a runway model I swear. I am the sexiest woman in the world. I know it!

I realize the reality is I probably bare a closer resemblance to Fat Momma than Wonder Woman. But that is ok, Fat Momma is pretty awesome too. But it doesn't matter what everyone on the outside sees. I know who and what I am.

So if you happen to see me running down the road no need to get your eyes checked. In that moment I really am a superhero with the stride of a gazelle.

Start a blog miss a run

Isn’t that just the way. Had to go into work and get a little grocery shopping done. By the time those chores were done I was painfully exhausted. Ugh, I hate when I get dropped like that. Timing couldn’t be worse. Here I am trying to write a motivational, everyone can do it blog… And I get sidelined.

I skipped my Saturday run. It was just a 2 miler, and I have a 4 miler on Sunday, today. So I don’t feel like a total slacker. I will do the 4 miles, that is the trade off for missing the 2. I have to remind myself you can’t take the day off from cancer.

I am going to Seattle this week to see the Rheumatologist. Hopefully we can get a handle on this, the time between bad days is getting shorter. There is a part of me that is excited to get a handle on this. Then there is the part that is a bit nervous about they won’t be able to help. I need to get my head around this, and accept even if it doesn’t work I need to suck it up. I will keep running.

1 in 2 men will get cancer in their lifetime. That means one of my boys. How do I choose?

1 in 3 women. Got one of my sisters, and odds are it will get at least one of my daughters.

This is not acceptable to me. I will not take it lying down, or sitting on my butt. I don’t know why anyone would want to. My children deserve the very best and a world without cancer is the best.

That worked. I got my 4 miles in, ran the whole way too. That is huge for me, think that is the furthest I have run ever without a walk break. I need to get on the yoga, try to loosen and strengthen all those muscles that like to tighten up on me.

Billy is my bra. Sounds funny I know, don’t know that he understood the compliment either. When I think support, that one item above all that gives me the support and lift I need. It would be my bra. Because let’s face it, without it we are talking muscle pulls the kind you can’t stretch out. After all night of listening to me moan and groan, whimpering because stuff was achy. He got up the morning and pushed me out the door. He made it ok for me to go run. In the past he wanted me to take it easy, not hurt myself. It really seems he understands that running makes me feel better, even if it is just in my head. He supports me getting out there and doing it. Even if it means more whimpering at night, or a minor hamstring pull. He is there to be my Jiminy Cricket and push me out the door. I love him for that. So he is my bra, maybe not the greatest compliment to some, but to a runner wannabe like me… it is the biggest one I got.

Run for something

Running for a reason

 

 

I started running in 2011. Kind of. My world was in total chaos and I wanted to do something for someone else. Anyone else. I needed to not be me. I got a post card in the mail inviting me to take part in Team in Training for LLS. I signed up. I wasn’t really sure what I was getting into. I trained, but not as much as I wanted to or even should have.

I was never an athlete, I was always the clumsy one. Last one picked for everything. I always quit before it got too tough. My training was a bit like that. I didn’t quit, I didn’t give up. But I didn’t give in to the run all the way either. I didn’t leave it all on the track as it were. I raised the money, or my husband donated most of it. I finished the Rock n Roll half in Seattle. But I didn’t run as much as I dreamed. Self-sabotage, quit on me before my body did. I loved it, somewhere around mile 5 my brain shut off. All that chatter and self doubt went away, all the pain of the past year didn’t exist. I found the runner’s high and I liked it. Strange considering I walked half the half.

I knew I wanted to keep going, get better. But I also knew I couldn’t just do it for me. I quit on me. I needed to do it for something else. Then I learned about Team Challenge for CCFA. I have a younger sister with Crohn’s Disease, perfect fit. Signed up and started planning for the Vegas Rock n Roll. Then came Addie, beautiful grand baby in need of a home. She came to live with us. Training came to a halt. I couldn’t justify going for a run after being away from her all day. I did run in Vegas, not very good. Dehydration was icky, my kidney function was wonky. Stress fracture. Not too good.

I was grounded for 2012. Wanted to be home after work for my family. My body has gone through several flare phases, fatigue and body pains. So very exhausted and achy. So no running still. Then I realized I hurt anyway, whether I sit on the sofa or run. Why not run? But then it is just about me, and how do I take myself away from the family?

Fast forward to a few months ago, and lots of failed attempts to get back running. CANCER is back. My big sister’s cancer that is. I can’t cure cancer, not anymore than I can cure Crohn’s. But I can run, kind of. I can try to raise money too. But I can give my money too. So here I am running, not even kind of, real running. I have dedicated 2013 to kicking cancer’s can. I am donating $1 for every mile I race and $.50 for every mile I train to Stand Up 2 Cancer. Maybe it is just dollars and pennies, but it will rack up. So are my miles.

It is working too. Running for a reason is really working for me. I have managed to get at least 3 days of running in a week. I am starting a 10k training program and I am right on point. In fact I can actually run for a half hour without stopping. I have never in my life done that. The other day I actually ran through a cramp. I didn’t give up on me. I can’t. I have to do this for JoAnne. I can’t let her down, can’t be a quitter. Not this time.  I run for something.

Today is just a 2 miler, but it is a good day to run

 

 

 

 

My New Gear

My shirts came in! So excited. The buttons are very retro 80's. I had to wear one today, I was very jazzed.

How I got here

I am Theresa. I am a mom, wife and sister. My kidneys have not been perfect since 1993, but it has been manageable. I take my medicine and things are pretty stable. In 2010 it got a little shaky. Things were not so stable anymore. I even became borderline diabetic, borderline because I got my dr to postpone meds for 6 months. I got on a strict clean eating diet and regular workout routine. Dropped almost 100lbs and got all my numbers back in check. I was also diagnosed with Sjogren’s Syndrome. Ugh, really can there be anymore?

My younger sister has Crohn’s Disease, it is a crappy disease. She is definitely sicker than me. In December of 2011 I ran in Vegas to raise money for the Crohn’s & Colitis Foundation. I was not much of a runner and my body wasn’t in tip top shape. But honestly it wasn’t about me. It was about her, couldn’t cure her but I could run.

2012 I didn’t do much, we became the proud parents of a beautiful grand daughter. And babies take time, she needed me home not running after work. So I thought. My body started getting out of whack again. First time I learned that Sjogren’s is a lot more of a bum kicker than just dry eyes.

Speed up to today. My older sister has cancer. It is back. I can’t cure her either, but I can run. I can raise money for the smart people that can cure her. I have a little kidney disease and an autoimmune problem. But those things won’t kill me. Not if I eat right and get my butt in shape. I don’t have cancer. So I am my Sister’s Runner, because I can run for her. I can do this little bit to make a difference.