Topless Inspiration

I remember going on vacation out of the country I went to the beach with my book. Everywhere was your typical beach activity. I saw this woman a little less in shape than me soaking up the sun, chatting with friends, enjoying the day.  I envied her. I was surprised to find of all the beach bunnies jealous of her. I didn't think she was too fat to be topless, which is exactly what I think of myself. I thought damn, I wish I were that comfortable in my own skin. She was slightly manish, but she was beautiful in her confidence and comfort.

I took my top off that day. I don't know that the sun has ever felt that amazing. It was also the day that planted a seed to start running. We never spoke, I doubt she even noticed me. But she started a change in me I will always be grateful for. I didn't start running right after that. But whenever I felt less, I would think back to her. To the courage she gave me. To the way it felt to lay out in the sun on a public beach.

Since I have started running I have been getting feedback from people. I get odd looks and some sneers from people as they pass me, generally sitting in a vehicle. But in general the feedback is positive, there is even a little awe and admiration. At first that made me very uncomfortable, always waiting for that back hand or the punch line. Then it dawned on me, I am doing something pretty damn amazing. Now I am that woman on the beach.

It is so easy to make excuses not to do things when you are not ideal. Like not sunbathing topless because you are not a supermodel. Or not running because you are not a born athlete. But when an average Joe or Jane is out there doing what we are too scared to try.... that is awesome, that is inspiring.

I hear excuses from loved ones all the time about why they can't or won't ever run. Sometimes I want to call them out on it. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. What matters is how it feels, and it feels amazing once you get past the initial shock of doing it. Once you stop thinking about all the reasons you shouldn't do it, and embrace the sun.

I can't run because...

               My knees - Actually studies have shown running slows the progression of arthritis. Maybe bare foot running is out, although I haven't given up the fantasy yet.

               No time - You forgot we are friends on facebook. I know you spend hours catching up on tv shows you never heard of til you saw it on someone else post about it.

               Too out of shape - how do you propose to fix that on the sofa? The C25K program is available in app form now, you wouldn't even have to put down the iphone.

 I would never run because...

               Not athletic - How long have we known each other? I trip over lint. When athletically challenged finally makes the dictionary, my picture will be right there.

               No clowns chasing me - I can borrow Ivan's big shoes, my nose turns red in the cold, I would love to wear a flower that squirts lemonade. I will chase you, all you had to do was ask.

               Too hard - So is blood sugar monitoring and insulin shots. Heart attacks are tough too. Ectomies and chemo can be a real bitch I hear.

Running with chronic ___________

So I have started this post a couple times. But I always shut it down before I get too far in. I keep feeling like either a jerk or a martyr. But I really want to put out there what it is like to get off your bum when you are not a born athlete and you have a strike or two against you in the body department.

I don't think I am a great authority on the subject. I certainly have not crossed a finish line with stage 4 cancer, or run a marathon on my hands. I am not that incredible or inspiring, I am truly humbled by those who are.

I love this man, don't know who he is. But he is awesome!

But what I am is a work in progress. Incredibly human with a body flawed by disease, diet, and lifestyle. I am bound and determined to change all that, but I am finding that it can be more of a struggle than I had planned. I also think there are more mortals out there like me, struggling to break bad habits and embrace our own inner greatness.

I really feel like I have no excuse not to try. Yes, I live with chronic pain and fatigue. Yes, I have less than perfect kidney function and take 3 pills a day to keep my blood pressure in a normal range. BUT I don't have cancer, I am not on dialysis, I am not bed ridden, I am not dying today. And guess what, the best way to avoid all those things is to get off my butt and change my lifestyle and diet. (I repeat this paragraph to myself regularly. I tend to need regular kicks in the bum.)

I love to run. I love the way it feels after the second mile in, when everything shuts off. I struggle with starting the first mile. I have a tendency to let my aches and pains get in the way. The cold weather is really hard, I am so stiff and sore. Treadmill? Forget it, I get so bored that it becomes physically painful, weird I know.

I keep thinking I can catch up on the weekends. Problem is Saturday is grocery day. By the time I am done with that I am exhausted. 3-4 hours of combat shopping wears a girl out. Sunday forget it. It is all I can do to get dressed and make dinner before everyone comes over.

But I learned something this week. As I went on my impromptu trail run. Training Plans/Schedules like treadmills suck. At least for me. Instead of doing less than the scheduled run I skip if I can't do it all in the time I have available. Sometimes my time availability is dictated by the clock, by my family needs but most often by what my body can handle. So I am tossing out the training plan. I am replacing it with my plan, for the next few weeks I will run 30 min a day 3 days a week, and 60 minutes on weekend. Weekend runs will be tossed aside for races however.

One size doesn't fit all. Maybe this post didn't end up so much about my aches and pains. Never fear, I am sure that those posts will be just as plentiful here.

Meanwhile I will continue to rack up miles because... I don't have cancer. But someone I love does.